how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
