I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
