All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
