Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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