This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
