dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
