see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
