Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Let's paint friendship bongs
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
