I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
stop calling my apartment porn island.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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