Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
