we have pet lesbian snakes
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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