so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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