this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
