Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
