kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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