Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
