I'm going to jail i love you
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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