perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
