Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
