where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I want her autograph on my taint
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
