i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
