i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
