OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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