What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
