the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
