Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
