I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
