I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
