Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
