I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
