mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
