these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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