One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
