Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
