Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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