WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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