so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
