'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
