I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
its not stalking. its research.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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