It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
