I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
