I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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