Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
