Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Pooping to opera.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
