So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
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