did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
