Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
