walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I need mimosas to revive my soul
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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