This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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