I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Randomize
