It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
